Mentoring: Knowing the Impact We Have on One Another
Mentorship can shape a career in quiet, powerful ways. Read Amber Chandler’s story—and reflect on who’s been guiding you, even when you didn’t know it.
I watched as my mentor, Mary, strode across the room, confident and composed. She walked up to the lawyer, who started to stand, and she said, “That’s not necessary,” already getting the upper hand as he sat back down, dropping his outstretched hand. I was 23 years old and in trouble. A student in my junior English class had plagiarized his paper, and when I met with him and our assistant principal, it was decided that he must redo the paper, and he was barred from any activities for a week. The problem was that this boy was going to miss a very important wrestling match—because of me. Now, of course, I know that he earned this discipline, but I was young, untenured, and sitting with an angry dad and their lawyer. Their contention? Perhaps this student had plagiarized because I had not actually taught him well enough to know better, thus shifting the blame to me.
I was lucky enough to spend my first four years of teaching with Mary, and through watching her hold meetings, lead our department, and having endless talks in her car, I gathered all the information I would need to become a leader in my own right.
As the lawyer shared this supposition with the assistant principal, me and my department chair, I was furious. This student most definitely knew how to cite sources. The lawyer then said, “She’s a new teacher. Before she makes accusations, you might want to observe her. Mr .Smith said that lots of kids are failing.” My department chair, Mary, replied, “This meeting is not about Miss Chandler who, incidentally, is a highly respected and valued member of our department. We created this Research Skills class at her behest. Let’s return to the matter at hand.” She was calm but firm. The assistant principal was letting her take the lead. Mary looked at me, and asked, “Miss Chandler, can you check your records to see how this student did on your test on citations?” I flipped through my gradebook, remembering that everyone had done well. I found his grade. “He earned a 98 percent,” I said, trying to keep the smugness out of my voice.
The lawyer said, “That’s just a number in the book. It doesn’t prove that he understood plagiarism. Miss Chandler. What was on the test?” I looked at Mary, and I said, “I’ll show you. I’ll be right back.” I rushed up to my room where I kept my students’ work in hanging file folders by name. I pulled the test, and I took it downstairs. I hurried in, and showed the group his test, where, of course, he had gotten all the questions about plagiarism correct. Mary stood up and said, “This meeting is over. Clearly, you’ll have to work out the disciplinary consequences. Miss Chandler, thank you for your time.” She walked out, and I trailed behind her.
Mary and I went for a drive on my free period, both of us smoking (it was 1997) and reliving the victory. Mary was my friend, but she also was my mentor. Mary was probably 45, but certainly under 50. She was part mom, part friend and my boss, but in all situations she was a role model for me when it came to leadership and poise. Mary also knew how to be authoritative and stern, unafraid of anyone. I was lucky enough to spend my first four years of teaching with Mary, and through watching her hold meetings, lead our department, and having endless talks in her car, I gathered all the information I would need to become a leader in my own right.
Teaching can be a lonely profession, but if you are constantly striving by learning from others, knowing that others are learning from you, the chain of connectedness will become commonplace. If this is the approach we take, we’ll be building legacies!
At the time, I had no idea I’d eventually be a department chair, a head building rep for our union, and later the president of 460 members. Back then, I was excited about getting married, not the least bit interested in leadership. I wanted to be a good teacher, and Mary helped me there too. If I were to drill down the most essential thing I learned from Mary, I’d say that it was to always have grace under pressure and always anticipate others’ reactions and be prepared. I’m now the mentor coordinator for the NUTS (new untenured teachers) in our district, specifically in years two through four, up until they receive tenure. As I meet all of the NUTS, I’m constantly reminded of Mary and how she’d taken me under her wing. I try to be the same role model that she was to me.
I share this story because it is important for all of us to consider that we never know who is watching us. Mary was never a formal mentor, nor did we ever discuss that I wanted to grow up and be just like her. I just paid attention and emulated her style. I moved out of state after my fourth year, and it wasn’t until a few years later that my leadership roles began. However, I had watched and learned so much from Mary that I knew what she’d do in most situations, and I’d do just that. Share My Lesson has great resources to help understand the impact and potential of mentoring. I love this blog by Brian Sztabnik exploring the informal types of mentoring. This collection for National Mentoring Month is full of practical resources. And this is a blog I wrote last year laying out the principles I’ve developed for mentoring.
We don’t know who will be watching how we handle a disciplinary issue, comfort a child, or respond to an annoying co-worker. We don’t know who will be watching, paying attention to our tone of voice, manner of entering a room, or how we manage a too-large class. We don’t know who will be watching when we make a mistake. It is easy to feel siloed in education, but it helps me know that as I rise in my roles, I can look to others I admire, and look back and pull others along with me. However, those aren’t the only people paying attention, and we may never know the impact our actions have, just as I’m sure Mary did not.
Summer vacation is a time to relax, recharge and reflect. As you are doing just that, let this question simmer on the back burner: Who has been there for you to emulate? Does that person know what an influence they are on you? If not, then make it weird—tell them directly how important they are to you in your journey as a teacher and human. We all need to know the impact we have on each other. Teaching can be a lonely profession, but if you are constantly striving by learning from others, knowing that others are learning from you, the chain of connectedness will become commonplace. If this is the approach we take, we’ll be building legacies!
Let’s Talk!
I’d love to hear about your mentors and the amazing things you’ve learned. Follow me on Instagram at AmberRainChandler and check out my #ThreeMinuteThoughts about teaching and the teaching life. I’ve written quite a bit about mentoring (including a book—Everything New Teachers Need to Know But Are Afraid to Ask), but I’m always open to new ideas!
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Amber Chandler is a National Board Certified middle school ELA teacher in Hamburg, New York with a Master’s Degree in Literature, as well as a School Building Leader certification. She is the 2018 Association for Middle Level Educators’ “Educator of the Year.” Amber has enjoyed a wide variety of... See More
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